When I was in elementary school, I loved pencils that had troll dolls on top. I also loved the pencils where the leads were stacked up inside the pencil, and you replaced them one at a time. But those were kind of ordinary.
There’s nothing ordinary about a writing utensil with a naked, crazy-haired troll on top.
I loved to smooth the bright colored hair into points. I probably did this while my teacher was explaining algebra, which would explain a lot about me.
But the best part was taking that pencil, with the smooth pointy troll hair, and spinning it between my palms as fast as I could.
ZAP! Crazy hair.
My life in the last two weeks has been like the troll doll pencil. I had an already kind of crazy life, but a kind of crazy that was smooth, familiar. And I threw it into chaos.
In case you thought I was nuts to homeschool and you’re primed with an I told you so, I will say that in spite of the chaos, I think this is the right decision for us.
But it is new, new and more new. And I like same, same, and more same.
There have been a lot of tears. And let me just be honest: they’re mostly mine. Not because this is really hard (it’s not) or because she’s hard to teach (she’s not). Just because I like to have everything figured out, and so far I have only figured out that it will be a long, long time before I figure it out.
And that while I figure it out, my family might be eating more frozen pizza than I prefer.
And Mary Bullock might be lonelier than she prefers.
I might be lonelier than I prefer.
And hungrier. Because I don’t eat frozen pizza.
How does one actually homeschool, attend to toddlers, and cook dinner? I feel sure there is an answer, but I have not stumbled upon a good one yet. And before you all chime in with crock pot, please understand that grocery shopping has not yet made it into the schedule, either.
And anyway, I’m not really in need of suggestions. I’m more in need of some grace. And the first person who needs to give it to me– is me.
**Also understand this: I do not believe that I’m not the only one experiencing chaos right now. For my friends returning to work, tending to new babies who don’t sleep, sending babies to long days of kindergarten, longing for a life you don’t have, trying to make so many things work and not quite having it figured out yet, there is so much love in my heart for you. We all have different circumstances, and life suckage is not a competition, this I know.**