He has made more messes than we can count. I’ve actually threatened to ban crayons from our house.
I spend my day spouting this endless loop:
No, Bo. Put that down, Bo. No, not on the floor. On the table, where it belongs. Table.Table? On the TABLE. GET DOWN OFF OF THE TABLE! Down. DOWN! GET DOWN!
But the constant touching of anything and everything that could cause destruction is not even his best trick.
His best trick is SQUEEZE THE BABY. This is a complicated game with many play options, but here is one example so you understand.
1. Bo wants to squeeze the baby, but Mommy says NO SQUEEZING THE BABY.
2. Bo says AWW–UUUH.
3. Bo grabs Sharpie and runs by Mommy.
4. Mommy senses imminent disaster.
5. Mommy puts baby down and runs after Bo.
6. Bo drops Sharpie for Mommy to pick up.
7. Mommy stops to pick up Sharpie.
8. BO SQUEEZE BABY.
You might be thinking: Aw, Bo is such a precious innocent baby! He didn’t plan all of that just to squeeze the baby! But in the time it took you to think all of that, Bo has dumped out all of the puzzle pieces in the puzzle drawer. And while I am picking them up, he is SQUEEZING THE BABY.
He’s diabolical, y’all.
And then here comes the part where I tell you I love him anyway. And I do. It’s kind of nuts, actually, because he’s so wildly frustrating, and he whines through almost every afternoon, and GOD HELP ME if I misinterpret his wild grunting that clearly means BO WANTS BLUE CUP AND ONLY BLUE CUP AND IF YOU DARE GIVE ME GREEN CUP I WILL THROW MYSELF ON THIS FLOOR!
But I’m telling you: I even love his pouty face. And his I just covered myself in yogurt and am running through the den face. And even his SQUEEZE THE BABY face.
I need to get a handle on myself before he turns into a teenager and develops an I just wrecked your car face.
Better get started right away.