I’m going to try to be nice while I say this

But it’s hard for me, frankly. Because when I get cards like this in the mail,

I write angrily worded letters to J.Crew in my head.

I know, I risk offending approximately 99.9 percent of the blogging world by taking a stance that is anti-J.Crew, but they keep giving me so many opportunities, my resistance eventually becomes futile.

But this is not a blog for angrily worded letters, so I’m going to try to be nice.

Dear J.Crew,

I have received your latest postcard in the mail. It has pretty colors and was better looking than the five credit card applications that comprised the rest of yesterday’s post.

However, I must assure you that in fact, I can live without your new spring clothes. In fact, yesterday alone, I survived just fine in a pair of three-year-old skinnies that I had worn for no fewer than four days in a row, and which featured an enormous snot deposit on the right thigh.

So, since your marketing department is so very off the mark with this particular campaign, allow me to share my “IT” list with you.

The end.

For next season, might I suggest a new slogan for your advertising campaign? Here it is, I’ve given it like three whole seconds of thought.

Fall 2012: They’re just clothes.

You can use this for free.

Love, [Sorry, that was ambitious]

Perhaps like if you could not be so full of yourself,

Suz

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5 thoughts on “I’m going to try to be nice while I say this

  1. the j in j.crew stands for jerk. ipso facto, jerk crew–aka jerk store because they’re full of themselves!

    and that’s jenga.

    • I love comments that include the words “ipso facto.” If J.Crew would include the words “ipso facto” in their marketing, I might consider lifting the embargo. I bet they won’t, though. Dummies!!

  2. You’re such a martyr, with your snot stained pants. Last time I saw you, you were wearing pre-RIPPED boyfriend jeans perfectly rolled at the ankle so as to accentuate your cutesy ballet flats. Also, as your TWIN SISTER, I’m wondering if you want to consider a certain ADDITION to your list. Hmph.

  3. I’m not a martyr. I’m just not going to die without YET ANOTHER buffalo check button down, as J.Crew suggests. The clothes didn’t do anything wrong, it’s the advertising that irks me. And also, I got those jeans for LITRALLY(!) $20 at Lands End Canvas. And no one proclaimed that I “couldn’t live without them,” least of all me.
    And I don’t have a current picture of you, unless you want me to steal the one from your company website (!!). Didn’t think so.

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